To understand why Infinite Sex matters for satisfaction and pleasure, I’ll tell you a story. It’s called: 

A Tale of Two Orgasms

I adopted my prevailing framework for sex by the 7th grade. That’s when I started watching the sex scenes in movies instead of covering my eyes, started masturbating, and endured “Health” class in which we were admonished against teen pregnancy and the boys stuck menstrual pads all over themselves. 

In that class, I first saw a visual depiction of pleasure that would both haunt my sex life and inspire my career as a sex educator: the orgasm graph. 

The only problem was… my body didn’t work that way. Nor, as it turns out, do most other female bodies. 

Based on my 7th-grade understanding of orgasm, sexual pleasure was a Point A to Point B experience. Ultimate sexual fulfillment was found by rubbing, touching, fucking, licking harder and harder, faster and faster, until I got Point B and reached my glory.

But that was not how I experienced fulfillment in sex. My sexual desire and expression looked like the messy kid sister of that neat graph.

One minute during sex I was laughing and excited, the next I was cringing and sexually shut down. Then I’d cry for no reason. And when it came to having an orgasm, I apparently couldn’t get my act together. 

Climax felt like threading a rope through a microscopic needle: tighten my muscles, keep the same pace, concentrate, concentrate—! My partner’s touch faltered or my mind wandered for one second and POOF—that feeling of being “ so close” would evaporate and all my hard work went down the drain.

Instead of enjoying sex, I spent most of it in my head, worried I was taking too long or that my stomach looked fat or that I smelled bad, or that I’d forgotten the laundry… 

Why was my libido so inconsistent?  

• If I loved him, why didn’t I want to fuck all the time? 
• If I enjoyed his touch yesterday, why didn’t I like it today? 
• If I fantasized about sex, why did I panic when initiated it? 
• And why did I feel listless and unsatisfied even after “successful” sex? 

▶ A TO B SEX MAKES PEOPLE FEEL INADEQUATE

With no education otherwise, I came to that classic feminine conclusion: there must be something wrong with me. I must be missing an essential part of my womanhood. 

The idea of being sexually inadequate haunted me. I felt broken, alone, and ashamed. 

If Bez today could tell Bez 10 years ago that nothing was wrong with her – that she was instead very normal – then past-Bez might jump to the next conclusion: something must be wrong with him.

If I’m not the problem, then he must be: his technique is bad, he touches me too roughly, I don’t like the way smells, and he “just doesn’t get it.”  

How much time have we all wasted caught in this trap, trying to do it right and be good partners, only to continually fail each other’s and our own expectations? 

But there is hope – there is a way out of this trap. It starts by understanding a different kind of pleasure. 

▶ A NEW APPROACH TO SEX

Female-bodied pleasure works differently and for sex to work, it must take this into account. 

The first time I saw an accurate depiction of a new blueprint for pleasure was in a class for a practice called Orgasmic Meditation. (*Note: I used to work for OneTaste and cherish their concepts. However, I no longer support their organization due to their unethical business practices.) I gave a TEDx talk about it—you can watch it here. It has inspired many of my methods. 

At this workshop, I saw this image and it changed my life. Women’s sexual experiences, said the teacher, aren’t supposed to progress in a neat, straight line. The unfolding of a woman’s orgasm surges and falls in twists and turns. She doesn’t race towards the finish line—she meanders and explores.

When I share this female orgasm graph with people, they chuckle knowingly – because they recognize it’s true. That truth can no longer be ignored. 

I both laughed and cried sitting in that room full of 50 strangers. Because for the first time, I didn’t feel crazy. I didn’t feel like a messy, immature kid sister. I didn’t feel broken—I felt normal. And I felt seen.

Her arousal and expression aren’t supposed to be Point A to Point B in a straight line, but instead naturally follow a bold, dynamic pattern of pleasure. And because of this, over time, women lose interest in typical sex.

This understanding changed everything and gave me hope. 

Read more: Hope for Women and Hope for Men

▶ SEXUALLY SATISFIED COUPLES HAVE INFINITE SEX

I went from dreading sex to initiating it. I went from feeling frustrated that I couldn’t climax to relishing a jaw-dropping landscape of pleasure that blew my mind. I went from having sex to keep the peace to consistently wanting more sex than my partner. 

Now I tell my clients, “If you study and practice Infinite Sex, there will come a day when he calls me, hidden in the bathroom, saying, ‘Bez – help. All she wants is sex and I can’t keep up.'” Couples, and especially men, rarely believe me. But that day inevitably comes – and then we all have a good laugh about it.

The logic makes perfect sense: when sex includes a woman’s unique pattern of pleasure, she wants more of it. It’s very simple in the end.

Infinite Sex – the sex I teach couples how to have through my courses and coaching – departs from the Point A to Point B format of typical sex, and enters a bold new world.

Sexually satisfied couples leave the clear, straight lines behind. They know deep fulfillment and connection aren’t created by going from Point A to Point B. 

Instead, sexually satisfied couples explore and adventure outside the lines. They discover pleasure and connection together. They mess up and laugh. They take risks that make memories. They expose themselves to each other and are touched deeply.

Read more: What Sexually Satisfied Couples Know

▶ FEELING PLEASURE VS. LOOKING LIKE YOU’RE FEELING PLEASURE

One of the challenges we face in including women’s pleasure in sex is that most of us have never seen an example of a sexually satisfied woman – a real one. 

We’ve seen parodies in porn and movies, with high-pitched moans and eyes rolling back. But porn is for an audience, and therefore it’s a performance. And performing is one thing most women are sick of doing. 

Putting on a good show does not bring a woman pleasure. True pleasure is releasing all the pressure and performance – and having an authentic experience of letting go. 

In the Infinite Sex Experience and couples coaching, we dive deeply into why this is and how to make it happen.

For now, it’s enough to know this: 

1. Male bodies and female bodies experience pleasure and orgasm differently. 
2. Typical sex leaves women’s deepest pleasure untouched and drains their energy.
3. This is why women stop wanting sex: not because they’re old or frigid or less primal than men, but because typical sex is not designed for their pleasure

That’s pretty straightforward, isn’t it? The art comes in applying it to your sex life.

Read more: How “Smarter Not Harder” Applies to Infinite Sex

Infinite Sex includes both people’s pleasure and provides deeper fulfillment, eroticism, passion, and connection for everyone. 

I help couples learn how to have it.